Riding the Wave

Grief is like the ocean. At times it is flat and still, but storms can whip up out of nowhere, and freak waves can knock you over. The emotions that wash over us in our grief can feel overwhelming—as if we are going to drown.

We need to treat those waves of grief the same way we treat the waves at the beach. If we try to stand and resist them, we will be swept off our feet by their power. We have to dive under the wave, ride the wave, move with the wave. Grief must be acknowledged. It must be honoured. You must travel through your grief. There is no emotion that is off-limits. There is no time when you ought to be telling yourself “I shouldn’t be feeling this!”

When I was in the early, nightmare stages of my loss (and even now), when strange and powerful emotions arose I found it helpful to think to myself “I see you.” I learned to sit with the feelings, the discomfort, the pain. I gave myself permission to cry and to vent. The only thing I was careful about was not allowing my pain to inflict pain on others—especially my children. I splashed violent slashes of paint mixed with my tears across canvases. I wrote angry and sorrowful letters to my husband. I sang my heart out with tears streaming down my face. I learned to ride the wave.

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